Freakin' Weather

So I'm thinking about how much the weather sucks right now and being the thoughtful person that I am, I think it must suck for everyone. Is there any place in the United States that hasn't seen ungodly weather this year? It's cold in the south, it's raining and snowing in the west and don't even get me started about the eastern and central states. I can't help but wonder "Why is this happening?!?!"

And then it occurred to me, no one had pointed it out yet, oh sure, I heard the "global warming theory" and the "solar flare theory" but not one person had hit upon the idea that suddenly seemed all too real to me. Midget farting. Yes! Surely this must be the answer!

Ever notice how you only see midgets occasionally? Know why? Because they all live on a methane farm in North Dakota! The midgets roam free on the methane farm and produce this nation's largest output of methane gas. Oh, it takes a lot of grain and cabbage to fuel the little suckers, but the payoff is tremendous! Methane farmers harvest the output and sell it to the gas companies. Then it is processed and used in our homes for heating and cooking.

So next time you complain about the freakin' weather, just whip up a good meal on your gas stove and remember the midgets... bad for the weather, good for chicken casseroles!

Observations

My shoes are too tight. I think I should have worn another pair today.

The phone is driving me crazy. A few minutes ago it rang and instead of my usual customary greeting, I said "Hell"... the chick on the other end didn't miss a beat and launched into her complaint about the copier. Do people listen to me?

I'm thinking of taking all the paper on my desk to the forest and setting it free. Why should we all suffer?