THANKSGIVING

Thanksgiving, with your dead turkey and cranberry sauce.
you make me want to puke.

Thanksgiving, with your stupid family get togethers.
you make me want to stick meat forks in aunt rose's big hair.

Thanksgiving, with your endless commercials during the game.
you make me want to drop kick the viagra guy.

Thanksgiving, with your desserts and pies.
oh wait, was that cheesecake?

HALLOWEEN

Halloween, I mock thee
with thy fake pumpkins
and plastic black bats

Halloween, with your
cute pink witches
and bedsheet ghosts

Sticky candy bars
stuck to the bottom
of my candy bag

Fuzzy tootsie rolls
clinging tightly
to the smarties

And the neighborhood boys
with their toilet paper
and shaving cream

Candy corn is the treat of hell
and of dentists
who want my money

Halloween, I mock thee
and I also claim thee
as a business expense

SNOW

SNOW

*rolls across the stage draped in a black veil*

*stands up slowly*

i am snow.

*holds up a feathered mask in front of her face*

some people think i am beautiful.

*drops the mask and reveals a hideous twisted face*

but the beauty is only on the outside.

*prop lightning bolts fly overhead*

*screams*

*rumbling noises*

i am death in a white coat.

THE END

LUVERNE

Luverne wiped off the counter after dinner. Her hair pulled neatly back and a cigarette hanging from her lips. Grape juice stains!!! Somehow they have a way of never coming out of anything. She scrubbed away at the old stain dropping tiny bits of cigarette ash here and there.

"I picked up the dry-cleaning today. It's in the bedroom." she said to Hank as she continued scrubbing.

"Mmmmm." said Hank half heartedly.

Luverne poured some cleanser on the stain and continued working. A little bead of sweat formed on her forehead. She brushed it with the back of her hand.

"I bought those frozen burritos you like. They are in the fridge." Luverne added.

"Mmmmm." Hank nodded absently.

Luverne rinsed off the counter and dried her hands. Picking up her car keys she walked towards the door.

"Scissors are in the Volvo" she said as she walked out and closed the door.

"MMMMMM!!!" Hank uttered.

And with that, he wondered exactly how long it would take him to get to the Volvo with his hands and feet tied together, not to mention, removing the duct tape over his mouth.

Fall Performance Art

sunnee walks on stage... a tree stands in the middle of the stage.

sunnee: Oh Fall!!! Beautiful and yet full of death.

*sunnee runs around the tree... looks dramatically to the left and then the right*

"Do you hear that?"

"It is the sound of death approaching."

*Wind whistles through the tree and grows stronger*

*sunnee carries a leaf blower over to the tree*

"And I... the cemetary worker that cleans the remains of your vile harsh act."

*The air grows colder*

*sunnee puts on a sweater and her comfy shoes... and shivers*

"Damn you for making me look like Mr. Rogers!"

*a tiny train runs across the stage*

"If only it were make-believe."

"Then the gas bill wouldn't be so high."

THE END

Looking For Something Squishy

so i'm sitting here thinking "this chair is really uncomfortable, i need something squishy to put behind my back". any suggestions on squishy items i could use?